March 2011
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theabsolutepham replied to your chat: spanish today
What the shit - why aren’t you in Italian? Perche? Perche tu non insegno italiano?
Because the Italian classes always seem to coincide with my transfer/degree required classes. Hopefully once I transfer I can finally take it.
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spanish today
Professor: How could you take a foreign language class, yet be so uninterested in the countries where it's spoken?
Girl: Because we don't give a shit.
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After School Special:
It made me sad… Dracula hasn’t had servants in 400 years and then a man comes to his ancestral home, and he must convince him that he, that he is like the man. He has to feed him, when he himself hasn’t eaten food in centuries. Can he even remember how to buy bread? How to select cheese and wine? And then he remembers the rest of it. How to prepare a meal, how to make a bed. He...
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mexican-kitschness-deactivated2 asked: is your URL a reference to Buster??? is it??
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Kevin: Can I ask you why you're dressed like a Russian house dj?
Andre: Okay first of all, just so you know, this is exactly the same thing Vin Diesel wore in XXX.
Kevin: I'm done with you.
Andre: He's the extreme James Bond.
Kevin: Please stop talking.
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Tonight's Feature:
“You never saw a Jew? Here, I have some sketches. There are Jews.”
-“No kidding. Do they all have these horns?”
“No this is the Russian Jew. The German Jew has these stripes.”
Guess what lucky girl found 6 condoms while walking her dog?
No, let me tell you, it was me.
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Remember that time I was excited to watch Princess Diaries?
Heather: Is the tv that loud or are people there?
Me: Who am I going to invite over, the black people from downstairs?
Heather: Catie.
Me: What? They are black. That's not racist.
Heather: I know they're black. Oh did I tell you that someone tried to break one of my windows?
Me: Was it the black people?
Heather: That was racist.
I'm an ideas man, Michael. I think I proved that...
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Why is Doctor Who never referenced in Ancient Aliens when they’re talking about time traveling aliens that have saved and improved human civilizations?
Star Trek, Star Wars, and a myriad of sci-fi novels are always used as “evidence” to back up their theories, but never Doctor Who.
What’s the deal Giorgio Tsoukalos?
What do you have against The Doctor?
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Tonight's Feature:
Her: Do you have any plans for this weekend?
Me: I'm going to my sister's apartment.
Her: Where is it?
Me: Los Angeles.
Her: Gonna go to some clubs?
Me: Um, I was thinking more along the lines of watching her cable, not wearing pants, and taking long showers.
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Me: There's something red on the water fountain.
Justinne: (makes face)
Me: Do we think it's blood, candy, or lipstick?
Justinne: Let's hope candy.
Me: Uuuuuugggghhhhhh I'm just going to close my eyes and pretend it's not there.
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Watchnevermindthebolex:
“Trailer for Exporting Raymond, a new documentary that follows Everybody Loves Raymond creator Phil Rosenthal to Russia, where he’s supposed to help them remake the show for local audiences.”
Looks hilarious. Adding it to the “want to see” list of upcoming documentary releases.
Today in aerobics:
- 1. 1 girl wearing ugg boots
- 2. 2 girls wearing jeans
- 3. 1 guy telling me about his past crack addiction
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My dad uses the internet mainly to order underwear so he doesn’t have to 1. spend time looking at underwear in a public forum, 2. so he doesn’t have to avoid eye contact with the person at the register, and 3. because he likes getting packages in the mail.
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I don’t know what everyone else is doing with their Saturday night, but I’m partying pretty hard over here watching The Best of Laugh-In with my dad on PBS.
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“I was feeling a little bit taxed by humans and was having panic attacks about...”
– James Murphy
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Bernard: I thought you hated school. You had a terrible time.
Fran: I've never said that.
Bernard: You don't have to say anything. I just look at your life now and work backwards.
watching the news today
Reporter: Will umbrellas help us against Japan's radiation?
Expert: U-
Reporter: What about gas masks?
Expert: (sadly shakes head)
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I can’t tell if I just automatically ignore when people talk or if I’m going deaf.
