December 2011
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Dad: What's that stuff on your lip?
Me: Hair remover.
Dad: Why?
Me: Because a mustache, no matter how faint, is not as well received on girls as it is on guys. Maybe next year the pubescent boy look will be in.
Dad: Fingers crossed.
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My sister and I found Ground Beef Magazine.
What is it?
Well, I’m glad you asked, it’s a magazine dedicated entirely to the cooking and eating of ground beef that spans 200 or so pages.
Sadly I did not get a chance to read it, but I am sure the writing is as quality as the meat substance it is dedicated to.
And people say print is dead.
suicidewatch:
Gang Of Four “Sweet Jane” (live...
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playing catchphrase
*catchphrase word = captain hook*
Me: you're a crook...
Her: captain hook! It's captain hook
Me: and they're gonna throw the book at the pirate!
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Tonight's Feature:
Even amidst a crowd that laughs idiotically, there’s always someone who understands, who knows, who appreciates.
Mom: Are you... Are you looking at pictures of Robert Pattinson?
Me: Yeah, its for an art project.
Mom: I-I don't know how to respond. (leaves room)
Me: No one believes in me anymore.
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Her: Someone just showed me their perfect gingerbread house.
Me: Its the day after Christmas, who the fuck are they trying to impress? Fuck them.
Her: Yeah, you haven't built a gingerbread house until everything is covered in the most disgusting icing and you're crying.
Me: Never again.
Her: No way, that was probably one of the worst days of my life.
Me: I have never felt more defeated by a boxed bake good.
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WatchIf I had one wish…
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Tonight's Feature:
Now last year Mrs. Bink did the nativity play and, if you remember, she got a bit upset and she started shouting a lot and crying and some of you, I remember, were crying with her.
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Today I played Apples to Apples with my sister and her coworkers at a Christmas party that only had desserts.
Feminine card Oscar: Well Grace Kelly was a very pretty woman, but Robert DeNiro was in Scent of a Woman so…
Expensive card Carlos: Car crashes are expensive. Donyette: Yeah and what if the other person dies? That would probably be a lot of money. Me: But if they’re dead then...
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suicidewatch:
The Kinks “Father Christmas”
...
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Dad: There's a guy at work and I don't know if he's black or not. I mean he wears a durag, but I don't really know if that counts anymore and he makes, what I consider to be, black people jokes. What are you laughing at?
Me: I don't know where to start.
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I don’t know how everyone else woke up this morning, but I did so by violently choking on my own spit. Merry Christmas and top that.
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Do you ever think about all the stuff that you are...
thenewhotness:
and just scream in your head “I DON’T WANNA DO ANYTHING BESIDES WATCH BIO-DOME!!!!!” ?
The Party Down Movie is (Actually) Happening →
I’m really glad I decided to go back over my paper this morning to catch any mistakes I might have missed:
Japanese internment, Japanese internet
spectrum, scrotum
atomic bomb, atomic boob
What is going to sustain me while I finish this last awful final that feels like it will never be done:
1. It’s due tomorrow, which is both scary and awesome at the same time because it means that I’m running out of time, but come 10 tomorrow it will be finished whether or not its good (I’m not going to fail it though, I don’t fail things as a rule).
2. No matter what I...
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Mom: You've just been staring at your computer for the past hour haven't you?
Me: No, I've typed some stuff that I decided against and deleted. I really don't want to do this final. He threw together a few questions that could be fully explained in a paragraph but wants multiple pages for each instead.
Mom: I'm about to make you a once in a life time offer: I will write your final for you. There are some conditions though: 1. I don't use capitals, 2. I find punctuation a chore, and 3. I'm not reading any background information, this will be straight from the hip opinions. I'm not saying your professor will be amazed, but he won't not be either.
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My professor sent our class the final and guess how long it has to be: 12-14 pages. Because why not, you know? We just got done writing a 11-15 page research paper for him so yeah, lets make the final just as long. Thanks man. You’re a real peach.
“We ask that you share with us your specific rationale and the scientific data...”
– Fourteen Democratic Senators • In a letter to HHS Secretary Kathleen Sebelius, who last week overruled an FDA recommendation that Plan B, the emergency contraception, be available without prescription to minors. In the words of Greg Sargent, who reported the story, “it isn’t every day that 14...
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