June 2010
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“You know what I realized? I’m not meant to be a cop. I’m not meant...”
– Clemmie
One day I hope to say these words.
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Hey girl that gave me a dirty look,
I know I’m drenched in sweat (I was running) and its unattractive, but it’s nowhere near as unattractive as that cameltoe you’re sporting.
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I decided I'm going to go outside this summer
because right now I don’t have a skin color and it’s starting to worry me.
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May 2010
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“Do you think Chris Brown still says ‘I’d hit that?’”
– Donald Glover (via theabsolutepham)
June 10th needs to happen.
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My reaction to a letter from the National...
Me: Why do you always send me re-subscription letters? You know I can't afford you. I wish I could.
National Geographic letter:
Me: How can you ask me that? You how much I love you, especially your maps. God I love your maps. They're so great.
National Geographic letter:
Me: You're right $12 is pretty affordable, but I shouldn't spend money I'm going to need later.
National Geographic letter:
Me: I know I'm only going to be young once and I should be able to enjoy myself. I do know this.
National Geographic letter:
Me: Wait. Are you telling me I get a free world map if I re-subscribe?
National Geographic letter:
Me: Sold.
National Geographic letter:
Me: (enclosing the order form and $12 in the prepaid postage envelope) I wish I had the strength to quit you.
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I was mistaken for a much older woman on the...
And not a cute older woman who has a sweet ’there’s a peppermint in my purse for you’ voice and wears clothes adorned with cats and sequins.
I’m the old woman who’s been smoking since grade school that hits asshole kids with my cane.
This is how I sound when I’m sick.
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“I cried when I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet… then I...”
– Jerri Blank is one of my favorite people.
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Kenny Fucking Powers filming season 2 of Eastbound... →
CANT WAIT!
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Watchnevermindthebolex:
Vampire Weekend’s new video for “Holiday”.
Completely enjoyable. Kind of reminds me of old Beastie Boys videos, but with powdered wigs instead of mustaches.
This description.
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“It’s always sad when someone dies, huh? This young man was driving drunk...”
– Clemmie on drunk driving
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I AM THE BEST FRIEND EVER
HeyHermano17: but what if it was so awful that you saw me in a different light after
sevenasianarmy: catie. i honestly can't think any less of you.
HeyHermano17: that doesnt inspire confidence
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HENRY YOU NEED TO NOT DO WHATEVER YOURE SUPPOSED...
DON GLOVER
DONG LOVER
DON GLOVER
DONG LOVER
DON GLOVER
DONG LOVER
DON GLOVER
DONG LOVER
(no pressure)
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synecdoche:
born ruffians - kurt vonnegut
...
Me: Can I leave class early today?
Prof: Yeah, no problem.
Guy: Why does she get to leave?
Prof: Because she asked nicely instead of just disappearing.
Guy: But-
Prof: (quietly to the guy) And she kind of looks like death.
Me: Still here.
Prof: You shouldn't be, go home and get better.
Me: You just don't want to get sick, huh?
Prof: I can't chance it Catalina, summer is right around the corner, and you sit right in front of me.
Guy: Besides, I'll admit it was kind of funny when you gave everyone fake AIDs a few weeks ago, but trying to give us the real cold is just plain rude.
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