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I’m a success at life, at nailing it.
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my replacement phone came today!!

  • him: did you forget to check me in?
  • me: of course not, if i didn't check you in, how could i possibly check you out (shoulder wiggle and long wink).
  • him: wow, you just did that.
  • me: well, i had to make sure you got it.
  • him: i got so much more than i wanted.

so i left my phone on the train today (goodbye forever, sweet prince), i started my period (stretch pant city), and we’re out of ovaltine (just why, god?), buy you know what, today was still a pretty good day and I played geoguessr at work for like 5 hours

good news: we’re definitely going to taylor’s show tonight and maybe someone will recognize how funny i am and give me a job being kind of funny in a climate controlled room with people i have/will develop crushes on

i really want to go to the store but i really don’t want to drive there because i feel like anytime in south pasadena is busy and scary with cars driving so closely and not signaling at all and yeah

Such a good idea, Bruce Vilanch.
Jason Mantzoukas (x)

(via laughterkey)

"You see, there are still faint glimmers of civilization left in this barbaric slaughterhouse that was once known as humanity. Indeed that’s what we provide in our own modest, humble, insignificant… oh, fuck it." - The Grand Budapest Hotel (2014)

(via fuckloadofquiche)

I was too excited (and poor) to get it framed just yet, but here is my (signed!) Nundercover poster in all it’s glory on my (badly lit) wall.

mutantfunnies:

Slurricane: Looking Good Pills by Will Laren

(via willlaren)

Heather and I are watching Spaced, doing grad school stuff, and farting, you know, sister things.

  • Mark: Johnson told me about it. Apparently, according to Johnson, wasabi sauce is-
  • Jeremy: Oh Johnson says! Johnson says! If you love Johnson that much why don't you marry him?
  • Mark: Where did this come from all of the sudden?
  • Jeremy: Why don't you actually screw him? I mean since you clearly want to do that. Why don't you?
  • Mark: Jeremy! I've got nothing against being gay, but I'm not and neither is Johnson. He's black in case you hadn't noticed, which I expect you had.
  • Jeremy: Oh so just because he's black I have to like him? Do I? That's political correctness gone mad. Look Mark I'm sorry-
  • Mark: (in his head) Jesus! I'm probably just the sort of person who'd be gay and repress it even to himself.

wellalright:

“oh let me ask you something, do you have a drug that makes it so that i’m not made to feel inferior and really crappy by good looking people who are in way better shape than me?”

“uh, the liquor store is across the street, alright?”

“thanks.”

“mhm”

(via heyhermano)

willlaren:

food poisoning makeover on Flickr.

Via Flickr:
this one may or may not be going into Slurricane #3. still undecided.

"It’s not true, sadly. He stripped naked and ran around in front of the guests."

(via thesmuggledplum)